Here is my night on the eve of a new year:
champagne, lobster...
and beep, beep, beep
me: what does that beep mean?
Tom: I'm low
Me: what's your number?
Tom: 50, but I just had some juice,I'll be fine
Me: OK, so I'll get dinner ready
Tom: No, not yet. I'm not hungry.
Me: ok, when do you want to eat?
Tom: I'll let you know when
Me: :-\
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Everday Lows and now highs
Is this trend changing or I just notice it more?
In one sense things are better. About 20 years ago, Tom suffered from severe low sugar episodes around 2 am. His reponse was physical and scary.
Now, for the last 5 or 6 years, his lows are not so dramatic -- the continuous glucose monitor notifies him (and me) when his sugar is going low. Se for the most part, they are caught before they get to that extreme.
On the other hand, they occur almost like clockwork when he gets home from work -- 6ish. His doctor, his dietician, and I all tell him that he needs some carbs in the late afternoon. But he complains that he is just not hungry and does not want to eat. (I believe he is also worried about going too high.)
Regardless we handle it differently now -- he is just grumpy and I don't react so strongly either. I simply hand him a glass of juice and start making dinner.
Not good, but manageable.
Now he is experiencing more significant episodes of high sugar. Or is it just that I know about it more often due the cgm -- and Tom lets me in a bit more, telling me what the beeping is telling him.
Last night we had a big family dinner at our house and I heard beeping from his equipment for hours. I don't think anyone else heard it or if they did they didn't know what it was. At one point, someone asked me if the microwave was beeping. It wasn't but I don't whether it was Tom's cgm or his pump -- and he wasn't sharing any information with me. He also didn't seem to be doing anything about it.
None of this is the scary episodes of yesteryear -- but have almost become one of the annoyances of daily living. I know, I know, imagine how much worse it is for him! the difference is that he has control over what to do about it and I don't. I try very hard to separate myself from the need for response and/or arguing about it
This is the life of a "compliant" diabetic's wife. Tom is very skinny now -- while some of us try to fend off the extra pounds that come with eating yummy food, he simply says he is not hungry and doesn't eat. AND he is getting so much fussier about what he eats. Right now I am making two vegetables for dinner one for me and one for him (his is always the same salad every night). I won't be surprised that there will come a day where I make two main dishes one for me and a different one for him. I am not saying that the salads aren't healthy but they are so bland and very boring. AND, they are always cold - sometimes I like hot veggies, especially when it is cold outside.
Ok, that is the end of my tirade.
Regardless of all of that, life is going along nice and smooth. I relish these days when we are boringly quiet.
Best of the season,,
Tom's Wife
In one sense things are better. About 20 years ago, Tom suffered from severe low sugar episodes around 2 am. His reponse was physical and scary.
Now, for the last 5 or 6 years, his lows are not so dramatic -- the continuous glucose monitor notifies him (and me) when his sugar is going low. Se for the most part, they are caught before they get to that extreme.
On the other hand, they occur almost like clockwork when he gets home from work -- 6ish. His doctor, his dietician, and I all tell him that he needs some carbs in the late afternoon. But he complains that he is just not hungry and does not want to eat. (I believe he is also worried about going too high.)
Regardless we handle it differently now -- he is just grumpy and I don't react so strongly either. I simply hand him a glass of juice and start making dinner.
Not good, but manageable.
Now he is experiencing more significant episodes of high sugar. Or is it just that I know about it more often due the cgm -- and Tom lets me in a bit more, telling me what the beeping is telling him.
Last night we had a big family dinner at our house and I heard beeping from his equipment for hours. I don't think anyone else heard it or if they did they didn't know what it was. At one point, someone asked me if the microwave was beeping. It wasn't but I don't whether it was Tom's cgm or his pump -- and he wasn't sharing any information with me. He also didn't seem to be doing anything about it.
None of this is the scary episodes of yesteryear -- but have almost become one of the annoyances of daily living. I know, I know, imagine how much worse it is for him! the difference is that he has control over what to do about it and I don't. I try very hard to separate myself from the need for response and/or arguing about it
This is the life of a "compliant" diabetic's wife. Tom is very skinny now -- while some of us try to fend off the extra pounds that come with eating yummy food, he simply says he is not hungry and doesn't eat. AND he is getting so much fussier about what he eats. Right now I am making two vegetables for dinner one for me and one for him (his is always the same salad every night). I won't be surprised that there will come a day where I make two main dishes one for me and a different one for him. I am not saying that the salads aren't healthy but they are so bland and very boring. AND, they are always cold - sometimes I like hot veggies, especially when it is cold outside.
Ok, that is the end of my tirade.
Regardless of all of that, life is going along nice and smooth. I relish these days when we are boringly quiet.
Best of the season,,
Tom's Wife
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Life - rambling about my schedule
My life these days alternates between crazy busy, supporting someone else's goals (that's ok), working on one of my projects, and times like now. I am alone in the house and it is very nicely quiet. I am having a bit of a struggle getting started.
since its grey and rainy, i would like to get back in bed and read a book. but I do have some driving around to do today. and the list of things around the house that I want to get done, just isn't going anywhere. Most are so big that getting is started is a bit intimidating. I know, one small step at a time, but on days like this where I have the time, i just don't feel like it.
there are no bad consequences of my not getting these things done except for the fact that they are still there and I still want that garage cleaned out and the bedroom I use for projects -- well its just a mess, no projects there until I get it cleaned up.
I really struggle between just being ok with being lazy and wanting to get this stuff started. I worry that this could become a "bad' habit -- this doing nothing stuff.
and then again, I know that its not my personality to stay "hidden" for too long
I am busy with the part-time work I am doing. I don't have much control about when it hits my email -- This week I did no more than answer a few emails and talk on the phone for an hour or two, last week I spent 4 very long days on it. who knows whats up for next week..
The work is good, I am not complaining that I have to do it. AND, I am learning a good lesson about someone else leading and me being all about support. My colleague and I don't agree on everything but its essentially his project so I do my job and walk away at the end of the day. I work from home and pretty much set my own hours.
Tom continues to get low just about every evening between 6 and 7 (maybe earlier but that's when he gets home and I see him). He refuses to eat dinner earlier, complains if he has to drink too much juice since that will spoil his appetite, and appears to think its no big deal. But his monitor often says something between 55 and 70. I have seen it lower but not very often. He is getting pickier with what he eats and refuses to eat anything that looks like a carb (bread, pasta, potato, breadcrumbs on a casserole...) I am doing my best not to worry about it because his doctors tell him he is healthy and really, there is nothing I can do about it anyway. and yet, clearly it is on my mind quite often.
so having said all that I think i will read the paper and drink my coffee until I have to leave to pick someone up in a half hour.
It felt good to write all of that out.....
since its grey and rainy, i would like to get back in bed and read a book. but I do have some driving around to do today. and the list of things around the house that I want to get done, just isn't going anywhere. Most are so big that getting is started is a bit intimidating. I know, one small step at a time, but on days like this where I have the time, i just don't feel like it.
there are no bad consequences of my not getting these things done except for the fact that they are still there and I still want that garage cleaned out and the bedroom I use for projects -- well its just a mess, no projects there until I get it cleaned up.
I really struggle between just being ok with being lazy and wanting to get this stuff started. I worry that this could become a "bad' habit -- this doing nothing stuff.
and then again, I know that its not my personality to stay "hidden" for too long
I am busy with the part-time work I am doing. I don't have much control about when it hits my email -- This week I did no more than answer a few emails and talk on the phone for an hour or two, last week I spent 4 very long days on it. who knows whats up for next week..
The work is good, I am not complaining that I have to do it. AND, I am learning a good lesson about someone else leading and me being all about support. My colleague and I don't agree on everything but its essentially his project so I do my job and walk away at the end of the day. I work from home and pretty much set my own hours.
Tom continues to get low just about every evening between 6 and 7 (maybe earlier but that's when he gets home and I see him). He refuses to eat dinner earlier, complains if he has to drink too much juice since that will spoil his appetite, and appears to think its no big deal. But his monitor often says something between 55 and 70. I have seen it lower but not very often. He is getting pickier with what he eats and refuses to eat anything that looks like a carb (bread, pasta, potato, breadcrumbs on a casserole...) I am doing my best not to worry about it because his doctors tell him he is healthy and really, there is nothing I can do about it anyway. and yet, clearly it is on my mind quite often.
so having said all that I think i will read the paper and drink my coffee until I have to leave to pick someone up in a half hour.
It felt good to write all of that out.....
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Its November 2015!
Hi everyone,
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. All is good here.
After about 6 months of practice retirement, I am working again.
But its different this time and its by choice.
Its not that I didn't LOVE retirement.
But one of those opportunities was offered to me and it was too good to turn down.
This work is part time (on my schedule) and I work from home -- most importantly I don't have to sell anything. I never liked that part of work -- to my boss, to customers, to co workers. you know the drill. I just wanted to do my analyses and put together the meat of a report. Then it was up to others to make the report pretty and convince clients that this was so good that they need more.
AND, the pay is very good. Since I want to do much more travel, its working out well. I set aside almost all of my income (we can live on my husband's salary). We only need my money for larger things like home repairs, :( vacations, taxes, investments.
I guess its a sign of age, but we seem to keep experiencing health issues -- mostly minor, but more frequently than earlier in our lives. For me, just minor things: strep throat, PT for my bad ankle, a scratched cornea -- and I had a sleep study done. They decided that I have apnea (no kidding) and now the insurance company will let me get a dental appliance to help me breath better as I sleep.
Tom on the other hand, has been hospitalized twice this year. The first time he was throwing up and super dizzy. The emergency room doctor thought he had a brain tumor. So frightening It turned out to be a very severe case of vertigo and the neurologist fixed it in three minutes. The hospital treatment was lousy and Tom had to demand to see the neurologist. Otherwise, who knows where he would be today.
His second trip was when I was out of town. Over labor day weekend, he had been doing a bunch of yard work. On Tuesday he woke up with an irritating itchy bump behind his knee. By the time he got home from work, he decided it needed to be checked on because it was much bigger and much redder. He went to urgent care and they took one look at it and sent him to the ER. It took them three days and 4 different IV antibiotics before they would send him home. And then it was with a PIC line so that he could continue to give himself the IV antibiotic for another 5 days. by the way, they never actually diagnosed the case of the infection.
All is well now, but both events were a bit scary.
On the other hand, I have had quite a bit of vacation time this year :) Florida two times, the beach in Maryland once, and then the "Mayan Riviera" outside of Cancun, Mexico. All of it was fun (except when I had to leave the beach early because of Tom's 2nd hospital visit) but nothing phenomenal. That will be next year when we go to Israel for 2 weeks. SOOOO excited.
So I think that wraps up my year so far. I will try to do a better job of posting and figure out how to allow for comments from others (thanks DW for letting me know).
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. All is good here.
After about 6 months of practice retirement, I am working again.
But its different this time and its by choice.
Its not that I didn't LOVE retirement.
But one of those opportunities was offered to me and it was too good to turn down.
This work is part time (on my schedule) and I work from home -- most importantly I don't have to sell anything. I never liked that part of work -- to my boss, to customers, to co workers. you know the drill. I just wanted to do my analyses and put together the meat of a report. Then it was up to others to make the report pretty and convince clients that this was so good that they need more.
AND, the pay is very good. Since I want to do much more travel, its working out well. I set aside almost all of my income (we can live on my husband's salary). We only need my money for larger things like home repairs, :( vacations, taxes, investments.
I guess its a sign of age, but we seem to keep experiencing health issues -- mostly minor, but more frequently than earlier in our lives. For me, just minor things: strep throat, PT for my bad ankle, a scratched cornea -- and I had a sleep study done. They decided that I have apnea (no kidding) and now the insurance company will let me get a dental appliance to help me breath better as I sleep.
Tom on the other hand, has been hospitalized twice this year. The first time he was throwing up and super dizzy. The emergency room doctor thought he had a brain tumor. So frightening It turned out to be a very severe case of vertigo and the neurologist fixed it in three minutes. The hospital treatment was lousy and Tom had to demand to see the neurologist. Otherwise, who knows where he would be today.
His second trip was when I was out of town. Over labor day weekend, he had been doing a bunch of yard work. On Tuesday he woke up with an irritating itchy bump behind his knee. By the time he got home from work, he decided it needed to be checked on because it was much bigger and much redder. He went to urgent care and they took one look at it and sent him to the ER. It took them three days and 4 different IV antibiotics before they would send him home. And then it was with a PIC line so that he could continue to give himself the IV antibiotic for another 5 days. by the way, they never actually diagnosed the case of the infection.
All is well now, but both events were a bit scary.
On the other hand, I have had quite a bit of vacation time this year :) Florida two times, the beach in Maryland once, and then the "Mayan Riviera" outside of Cancun, Mexico. All of it was fun (except when I had to leave the beach early because of Tom's 2nd hospital visit) but nothing phenomenal. That will be next year when we go to Israel for 2 weeks. SOOOO excited.
So I think that wraps up my year so far. I will try to do a better job of posting and figure out how to allow for comments from others (thanks DW for letting me know).
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
History
I have been doing a lot of reminiscing lately. For some reason I remember the times when Tom was out of control with his glucose level.
The first time I observed it and understood what it was, my cousin (male) was at our home and Tom went upstairs and stripped naked and then came downstairs for more "fun".
My cousin left pretty quickly.
But things got so much more ugly later (before blogs) when he went very low (50's) every day and was combative about it. It was always my fault and I was "controlling" and "abusive" to him. He had trouble with work -- he was in IT and with Y2K he was out of work for roughly 3 months at a time.
It was truly horrible and I didn't know whether I could take much longer. But I persevered (like so many of us) and it (he) got better once his jobs were more constant.
Today, I can tell you that he manages his glucose so much better, And even more important he listens to me and tests whenever I asks and responds appropriately. (you know juice etc.) He still tries to sneak eating M&Ms, fairly often. I don't necessarily notice at the time. but when I check the jar, it gets emptier more quickly than I expect. I rarely eat them so I keep them in stock for him. He rarely goes high so its a good thing that he recognizes the need before I need to intervene.
It is amazing to me that life is so much easier and he is truly my best friend in life again. BUT, I will never forget the bad times.
If you are experiencing these monumental challenges, I feel for you and want to give you my support. Whether it is low glucose or high, the repercussions are awful.
That's my thoughts for today. As I used to sign off, I wish you a very good night's sleep. My exhaustion certainly added to the problems so I think of sleep as a major balm to my challenges.
Best,
The first time I observed it and understood what it was, my cousin (male) was at our home and Tom went upstairs and stripped naked and then came downstairs for more "fun".
My cousin left pretty quickly.
But things got so much more ugly later (before blogs) when he went very low (50's) every day and was combative about it. It was always my fault and I was "controlling" and "abusive" to him. He had trouble with work -- he was in IT and with Y2K he was out of work for roughly 3 months at a time.
It was truly horrible and I didn't know whether I could take much longer. But I persevered (like so many of us) and it (he) got better once his jobs were more constant.
Today, I can tell you that he manages his glucose so much better, And even more important he listens to me and tests whenever I asks and responds appropriately. (you know juice etc.) He still tries to sneak eating M&Ms, fairly often. I don't necessarily notice at the time. but when I check the jar, it gets emptier more quickly than I expect. I rarely eat them so I keep them in stock for him. He rarely goes high so its a good thing that he recognizes the need before I need to intervene.
It is amazing to me that life is so much easier and he is truly my best friend in life again. BUT, I will never forget the bad times.
If you are experiencing these monumental challenges, I feel for you and want to give you my support. Whether it is low glucose or high, the repercussions are awful.
That's my thoughts for today. As I used to sign off, I wish you a very good night's sleep. My exhaustion certainly added to the problems so I think of sleep as a major balm to my challenges.
Best,
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Back to My Blog
Life is so interesting. I haven't written for a very long time.
I messed up my original blog site and lost everything on it. I couldn't figure out how to start again and then I got busy. But today is a new day.
Most importantly, Tom is doing a better job of managing his diabetes. He still goes low almost every day when he gets home and before dinner. But the good side is that he is drinking more juice when it occurs. Sometimes when he notices and even when I suggest it. He is so much more better at dealing with it. Not that we don't have occasions when its bad -- but we are handling it so much better than before.
I have had a tough few years. In 2013, 4 people in my family died -- including my dad. I had 4 surgeries in 6 months, and it took almost all of 2014 to recover. I was still trying to make my consulting business work -- but I lost interest and closed it.
In January 2015, I officially retired. At first I was unsure but then I really got into it and I am SO HAPPY! I am very busy doing mundane things like grocery shopping and cooking, spending a day with my mom each week, and getting some exercise on a routine basis (finally!).
Currently, Tom is being sued for a traffic accident that occurred in 2012. He didn't see a car in his blind spot, changed lanes and hit a car. Insurance is covering everything but it is still upsetting.
Also, his job has become so stressful that he is burying himself in his work (12-hour days) and getting by one day at a time. He loves the actual work, but the politics are getting to him. Sound familiar?
OK, I think that's enough history for one blog. On to the rest of my day...
I messed up my original blog site and lost everything on it. I couldn't figure out how to start again and then I got busy. But today is a new day.
Most importantly, Tom is doing a better job of managing his diabetes. He still goes low almost every day when he gets home and before dinner. But the good side is that he is drinking more juice when it occurs. Sometimes when he notices and even when I suggest it. He is so much more better at dealing with it. Not that we don't have occasions when its bad -- but we are handling it so much better than before.
I have had a tough few years. In 2013, 4 people in my family died -- including my dad. I had 4 surgeries in 6 months, and it took almost all of 2014 to recover. I was still trying to make my consulting business work -- but I lost interest and closed it.
In January 2015, I officially retired. At first I was unsure but then I really got into it and I am SO HAPPY! I am very busy doing mundane things like grocery shopping and cooking, spending a day with my mom each week, and getting some exercise on a routine basis (finally!).
Currently, Tom is being sued for a traffic accident that occurred in 2012. He didn't see a car in his blind spot, changed lanes and hit a car. Insurance is covering everything but it is still upsetting.
Also, his job has become so stressful that he is burying himself in his work (12-hour days) and getting by one day at a time. He loves the actual work, but the politics are getting to him. Sound familiar?
OK, I think that's enough history for one blog. On to the rest of my day...