Prepping for Surgery

I am feeling down -- shoulder surgery will occur on Thursday.  Because the pain I have now, I can't do very much.  the doc says it will take 6 weeks just to get 25% mobility back in my shoulder.  A full year to get to 100% (assuming I get there) many patients never get beyond 90 or 95% back.

So, I am feeling sorry for myself.  Last week I went shopping for clothes that I will be able to wear the rest of the summer.  I went as cheap as I could and got big sizes so the Women's Shelter will be getting a bunch of stuff once I am recovered.  I also cooked some stuff and put it in the freezer so it will be easy for Tom when I am unable to prep meals.

And as for Tom, He will take me to and from surgery and will work from home the rest of Thursday and Friday.  But its almost like I am asking him to do a huge favor.  Physically he will be there but he will continue to be focused on work and then on the weekend he will play tennis and work in the yard.  No change from his schedule.  Okay, I am being harsh but I need sensitivity now, not being ignored.  Geez, considering all I do all the time for him and his diabetes!

And then there are our mothers.  His mother (4 hours away). is 90 and in constant pain, having a difficult time walking.  She was playing tennis 2 years ago and now can't walk at all.  I pity her, of course, but Tom is naturally worried about it -- and then complains when I remind him to call her  because  "I just started this TV show and don't feel like talking now, you should have reminded me earlier."  Yes, that is what he said last night.

On the other hand, my 85-year old mother had not been to a doctor for more than 50 years, yes I said 50!  At Christmas last year she got very sick and went to urgent care.  She was coughing uncontrollably  This started a frustrating series of encounters with the medical profession.  She was given an antibiotic, then followed up with a doctor the next day.  my sister's doc, who my mom likes.  She was given antibiotic and on and on -- she developed a rash over her entire body and saw a dermatologist who gave her different meds.  then a pulmonologist who gave her different drugs again.  Last week her coughing got to the point where she was having trouble breathing.  her primary doc gave her asthma meds and recommended seeing an asthma doc.  but he didn't know any who had not retired.  So I think I found someone who may meet her needs.  we will see.

I know, and I am complaining about a little surgery.  Tom and both of our moms have so much bigger problems!

Just another day in paradise...

Surgery Again!

I turned 60 last month and have another reminder of my age.  Now I need shoulder surgery.  it is so dis-heartening.  i am grateful that it is not cancer.  and yet having so many surgeries in just a few years can get anyone down.  I try to be active because its fun and I want to be fit.

We just had a wonderful vacation to Israel, our first trip and probably our last, but it was magnificent.  Tom only had one severe sugar drop.  he was so concerned of what others might think that he refused any help but mine  and barely that.  of course that failed since he could barely hold himself upright.  of course everyone in the group was concerned.

Everything ended well, but Tom drove me crazy.  Nothing could ruin the trip so all was well.  Sigh,

Now its time for another surgery and i am not happy.  and yet I am feeling rsolute that this too will be okay.

On to new adventures soon.

It just doesn't end!!

we are getting ready for the vacation of our lives, going to Israel for 10 days.  Tom is leving so much to me while he works.  but he still comes every night with frighteningly low blood sugar.

of course i am worried about what will happen when we are so far from home.  we will be on a tour most of the time so I won't be alone, but I am still concerned.

Just when I was hoping things would be getting better....
 

You would think I could accept it by now

there is just no talking to Tom.
EVERY DAY, he comes home and by the time he sits down with me, his glucose count is near 50!!!
I want to deal with it better, but it upsets me so much.
last week when everything was calm and he was in the normal range, i tried to talk to him.
reminding him of the daily occurrence, of the fact thay his doc instructed him to eat a snack (a real one, not candy) he just pretends to be helpless.
of course that angered me
he simply won't address this.
I should go take a walk, i should accept his choices.
but it is so distressing.

ok, i feel better.
on to my own activities for the evening

This feels familiar

dinner time, Tom's feet are "dancing" a sure sign that his sugar is low. he is doing nothing wrong, but my stress level just jumped 200%

sigh

January Blues

Its February and I have been sick (some virus cold or flu) for almost a month.  I have been to a doctor three times and while I am better, I am not great.  Still sleeping a lot -- 12 hours a night!  and while my cough is better, it is not gone.  Sigh, I am tired of this.  I got a flu shot and exercise and eat well and I don't hang out with kids.

Tom is doing the same, good most of the time but going low in the early evening.  He just got a new pump and CGM -- there are some adjustments and he gets grumpy about the ones that he doesn't like, but it will be fine once he gets used to it.

Other than that exactly nothing is going on in my life except the normal.  I am working on having a better outlook and thinking healthy thoughts.

Happy New Year and all the stress that comes with it

The holidays are over and now that its back to real life, its looking to be a bad year for me.

Tom continues his daily low blood sugar time right before dinner and sometimes later again.  how does he manage at work?

My 86-year old uncle in Denver is not likely to live through the end of the year. My family is VERY close, and my cousins and I talk often.  So that will be very sad.

My brother in law (66 years old) has cancer and is not doing well; back in the hospital.  No sure how long he has.

Then there is my 90 year old mother-in-law who has breathing and walking problems.  Not sure how much longer she will be able to stay in her home.   Fortunately she pre-paid for next-level care and she is in North Carolina, so I don't have to participate directly in her care.  whew!

AND, my mom who is 86 years old.  She asked my sister and I to take her to urgent care and a doctor last week and this one.  She has not seen a doctor in 50-years so it was shocking to all of us.  she must be really sick.  she was diagnosed with bronchitis and given meds.  but she doesn't like taking them so she stopped before she was supposed to.  the doctor understood her desire to take fewer meds and gave her some new ones to try.  If she still feels badly next week, she should fill a new rx for an antibiotic - she doesn't need to see him again unless she wants to.

At first, I was unhappy about this approach, but now I get it.  She is 86 and doesn't want to change her life too much.  she gets to do that.  we have no doubt that she is perfectly sane -- so that is not an issue.  we just need to support her as best that we can.  

I also have a potentially lucrative business opportunity which takes my time and attention and stress.

The weather is cold and we have many days of grey skies.  I need to be careful with my own health.  Depression is always just a step away.  and of course I really don't want to get the flu or a cold!  Sigh.  At least i am still takng my deep water running class twice a week.

So I have a lot on my mind at the beginning of this year.  But all i can do is take one day at a time.